How was I to know?

My friendship with Asa has been near to crashing upon the Rocks of Failure.

You know the Rocks of Failure, right? They lie hidden under the Waves of Sadness by the Cliffs of Insanity.

I hesitate to tell this story because I know I’ll write it from my point of view. And maybe that’s not fair.

I’m so protective of him that I can’t even write about this freely because I think he was more wrong than me, and I don’t want to make him look bad!

But maybe that’s just the way I see it.

(It’s really important in my life to be his friend and be supportive of him. I feel like it’s a sacred trust that God gave me, and a responsibility I’m so utterly happy and blessed to have. Because he’s in this country alone and so far from his family, it’s like in parentis loco, in my heart.)

So what happened was this: we had a long period of closeness, closer than usual. And we’re usually pretty tight anyway.

Then, out of the blue and for no reason I could discern, he completely stopped communicating with me.

Just silence.

He went from calling me two or three times a week and messaging me whenever he wanted, to absolutely nothing.

I cried for each one of those eleven days because I was so worried about him.

But I have these two tricky conditions that sometimes mess me up.

1. A complete respect for his privacy. I can be hurt, mad, worried or whatever, but I’m not going to insert myself into his life. If I’m there, it has to be because he wants it.

Which totally leads me to number two!

2. Pride.

If I’m in his life, it completely has to be because he wants that.

I’m like that with every friendship and relationship in my life. I’m not seeking ANYONE out.

And it would be fair to say that I go out of my way to keep walls up.

So how did I ever get myself into this sea of misery?

Sigh. It’s a long story. Part two and however many else, coming soon.

When I call you up, your line’s engaged
I have had enough, so act your age
We have lost the time that was so hard to find
And I will lose my mind
If you won’t see me, you won’t see me

I don’t know why you should want to hide
But I can’t get through, my hands are tied
I won’t want to stay, I don’t have much to say
But I get turned away
And you won’t see me, you won’t see me”

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3 comments

  1. I remember like 30 years or so ago going through the same exact thing. I later found out this was a pattern with the girl. After trying a few more times than I should have- I just left it up to her. Never heard from her again.

    Liked by 1 person

    • The thing that saves me here is that 1.) we really are just friends. 2.) He’s younger than I am. 3.) He knows me better than anyone except my husband. 4.) I love him dearly and we always work things out.

      But yeah, having no romance on the table helps.

      I still get hurt in it sometimes though. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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