Asa called me tonight and his voice seemed heavier, older.
As if now he is the father and I am the child.
He has grown up so much this past year, and indeed he’s taken this role more often than not.
(When he takes a role at all that is.)
“Angel, It seems as if the circle is closing.”
Which circle? You and I?
Closing as in ending?
Don’t say that.
“I know you are crying. Don’t have those tears in your eyes.”
“You do, I know you do.”
Yes. Ok, I do.
It’s just that I feel like a different person from a year ago. I don’t even recognize me, as her.
“That’s because you are different, you’re not her anymore.”
Thank you for helping me, for all that you did. But I don’t want our friendship to be over.
“Stop crying. I meant that the circle of the year, and the events that caused our paths to cross, that circle is closing.”
He says this I realize, because I messaged him that Doug called and asked me to come see him this afternoon.
I told him that Doug can no longer stand. He just wanted me to sit by his bed and tell him funny work stories.
I took food, cake, fudge, just treats I knew they’d love, including Starbucks.
Dinner, so Doug’s wife could have a break.
She asked me to help with Doug’s birthday party. Of course I will. I’m good at being a background utility player.
Asa, I say, I’m so thankful to God that nothing happened between Doug and I. That I can walk in his house without shame. That I can sincerely love his wife.
Asa, I’ll call you back in a few minutes, I need to pay for this can-opener.
Except I don’t call him right back. I go into another store to buy him some Band-Aids to drop in the mail. Asa cut his finger on a can and I’m worried that he doesn’t have bandages.
I gather myself and stop crying as well.
I made it to the car and reached for my phone. I stare at the number. But I can’t make myself call him.
In the past eleven months, I’ve never called Asa.
I’ve always thought that I should be there for him if he needs me, (and I am), but I should never call him.
So I never have.
I closed the phone option and message instead.
Asa, call me if you want. I’m finished at the store.
“Angel, I want to take a little break. We might need to push it to tomorrow.”
Okay buddy, no problem. TTYL.
The circle indeed closes.
So I close my eyes softly,
’till I become that part of the wind
That we all long for sometime.
And to those that I love, like a ghost through a fog
Like a charmed hour and a haunted song
And the angel, angel of my dreams
I still look up
I try hard not to look up, yeah
That girl was me, yeah