“A steady place to let down my defenses…”

That crazy conversation, where we took turns finishing each other’s sentences?

It changed me.

I’m not sure why, but it did.

It made me believe that this friendship mattered to you.

(You’ve given me so much evidence before. I don’t know why I struggled so much with that…)

It made me believe that I wasn’t going to wake up one day and never hear from you again.

The words we spoke that night took away my fear and replaced it with surety.

You gave me peace.

“A steady place to let down my defenses …”

Tonight I’m trying to give back a tiny tiny portion of everything you’ve given me in the past eleven months.

Joy. Confidence. Strength. Patience. Love.

I know you’ve felt edgy lately. Worried? Tired. Lonely. Even frustrated.

I hear it in your voice and read it in your words.

I turned off my notifications last Wednesday because I was taking it personally.

When I realized how silly that was I turned them back on. But still.

Silly me.

I know that whatever you are dealing with right now isn’t me, and in all actuality has nothing to do with me.

(I also know that once you get some rest and think things through you’ll level up.)

I tried to open the door last night and let you know we could talk about whatever it is, and all the things.

But you’re an artful dodger.

And I’m not one to try and pressure you to talk, even if I’m worried about you.

You however have skills skills skills where that is concerned!

So many times you have lifted my burdens. Why can’t I do the same for you?

I digress …

Tonight when you apologized, I acted like I had no clue what you meant.

I really did though.

But honestly my sweet friend, everything was okay on my end. I wasn’t mad or hurt or bothered.

(Unless it was only aimed at myself because I don’t feel like I’ve been very much help to you lately.)

But no apology was needed, precious though it was of you to give it.

~~~~

Angel, finish this sentence: Angel is important to Asa because …

“… Because she absorbs his moods.

Feelings.

Frustrations.

Joys.

Cares.

Concerns.

And she says, “Everything will be ok buddy, I believe in you.”

And I do.

All, all that you dream
Comes to shine in silver lining
And clouds, clouds change the scene

Rain starts washing all these cautions
Right into your life, make you realize
Just what is true, what else can I do

Just follow the rule
Keep your eyes on the road that’s ahead of you

All of the good, good times were ours
In the land of milk and honey

And time, time has its scars
Rainy days they turn to sunny ones
Livin’ the life, livin’ the life lovin’ everyone

Little Feat – All That You Dream

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59 thoughts on ““A steady place to let down my defenses…”

              1. Really John I’m of two minds about the subject.

                And yes, I know, “A double minded man is unstable in all his ways.”

                But it’s not that kind of double, it’s really two divergent ideas about the issue.

                1. I agree in theory that our self-worth and body image ideas shouldn’t come from Hollywood.

                2. What if Christians as a whole had higher standards than the world, towards our bodies?

                As believers, we accept gluttony and in many cases embrace it and make excuses for it.

                I’m saying this as a woman who gained weight with each pregnancy and also as one who gained weight when I was fighting depression.

                (Fight isn’t the right word since during that time I actually didn’t fight, I surrendered to it way too quickly!)

                In the past year I’ve lost two dress sizes and a lot of pounds.

                How did I do it?

                I stopped eating too much. I stopped using food for comfort.

                I got up off the couch.

                So on one hand I think, “If I can do this, ANYONE can.”

                One the other hand, when I was depressed, if someone would have said these same words to me I would have rolled my eyes, turned over, and gone right back to sleep.

                Liked by 1 person

              2. I wanted to understand why I reacted to it as I originally did.

                So in some respects it was the issue itself I wanted to think about and the other part was sorting out my reactions.

                Then of course, my final conclusions.

                It’s one of those issues that is interesting to me.

                I think you write from a place of comforting and encouraging people and I’m that, “but why?” person.

                Liked by 1 person

              3. I just dislike judgement. Even though we’re all guilty of it. In my life, I’ve yet to meet a “fat girl” that’s happy with herself. I know there are those who are lazy, but nevertheless, continued judgment and putting them down doesn’t help the situation. And! Just because a woman is fat doesn’t mean she’s not beautiful.

                Liked by 1 person

              4. When I worked from home for two years, I came here almost every day of the school year.

                My son goes to a private Christian school about 30 miles from where we live. The lake is near his school.

                I had freelance clients then, so as long as I turned in the product, no one cared, or asked, where I worked from.

                So I spent a lot of time here and in that time a lot of things happened in my life that effected me, changed me, and so on.

                Then abruptly my life changed and I was offered a new position in a completely different career.

                So I in essence left the lake, which was such an important part of my life, without really saying goodbye.

                Liked by 1 person

    1. It was very overcast and cold! But so very beautiful and a balm to my soul.

      I heard a hawk today but didn’t see it. I have seen a hawk there before.

      I’ve also seen an eagle there, last year.

      I didn’t see any snakes. Didn’t think I would because it was so cold, but still looked.

      Saw lots of Canadian geese and just let the outdoors envelope me for a bit.

      But it was soooooo cold.

      Liked by 1 person

            1. Eagles have meant a lot to me, my dad loved them and I’ve seen them at some meaningful times.

              I’m not one who believes in signs, so it’s not like that. Just have seen them at some times when I really needed to see one.

              So about five times in my life so far.

              Hawks. Yes, love them. So fierce and strong.

              Liked by 1 person

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