He made a ceremony out of hurting me

I’m sort of mad and I have been all day.

Okay, in all honesty, I’m very angry. Hurting also. So many tears today, and still they fall.

See, I had a crush on the guy and yes, that was an untenable situation.

We are both married. He’s younger than I am. I didn’t want to have a physical relationship with him. That made him angry.

(Well, in my secret heart of hearts it might have crossed my mind but I would never in a million years ever do that. I took great pains to avoid ever being alone with him.)

I know, I know. You’re thinking, “Yes, but you still talked to him all the time and met him for coffee anytime he wanted.”

Yes, I did. And I’m sorry. I repented and grieved over the entire situation. I still hate myself for believing him, and letting him manipulate me.

But I never did anything to intentionally hurt him, like he does me.

I don’t get that. Why? Why? Why? He’s slightly well known and I get that lots of women are willing to go there with him. So why be an a**hole to me 5 months later because I wouldn’t???

See, I finally figured out why Doug invited me to follow him again on IG. And it wasn’t to be polite, or because he missed me, or wanted to be friends again. None of that.

He only did it in order to hurt me. It just took me a while to figure it out.

It hit me last night, the reason, but I thought, “Surely not. No one would be that cruel.”

But even as I tried to deny it to myself, I knew.

So this morning I looked at the message date when he invited me to follow him again. It matches the date that his groupie updated her Facebook page with the photo he took of her at the Welcome to Vermont sign.

The next day, he stated blowing up IG with all the “selfies” and scenic photos he took in that same area. He even took a photo of his car with the brake lights on. (She’s in the car.)

I just didn’t make the connection until his groupie “liked” my work Facebook page yesterday.

I don’t want these crazy people in my life. I’m just tired of it all. I know, that to a fault, I only ever respected him and was kind to him.

I don’t deserve him making some kind of ritual ceremony out of continuing to try and cause me pain.

I’m not pained by the fact that the photos exist and that he threw away months at the end of his life to go have sex with a snaggle-tooth groupie.

I’m pained that months after the end of our friendship, he’s still taking jabs at me.

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2 comments

  1. What age did he regress to, 12? I am happy for you that you realized this. We really need to look at friend/relation ships closer, realize those who are toxic, and let them spread it to someone else. I really hope you feel that amazing sense of relief. Move on!

    Liked by 1 person

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